losing a sweetwun who also provided you with piping hot gossip is really double jeopardy, because not only have you lost your ardent eater, you have also lost your minister of information.

let’s face it, accra is a battleground filled with hedonism and a robust information network - bodily fluids exchange as much as gossip also does and there's hardly anything sweeter than rumour from your amore.

ever since fiona ghosted, every tea tasted like lipton without sugar - unsweetened. that's why when sabina started unfolding the drama happening in her apartment complex during your post-coital pillow talk, not only did she have your utmost erection but your undivided attention as well.

'so they banged on his door to open up and show them what he was cooking in his kitchen?'

"yes o. but he refused, saying they can't tell him what to do because they don't pay his rent for him."

one the tenants of number 18 yinka crescent is suspected to have slaughtered and deep fried the stray cat that randomly comes to the compound, only that the other tenants had taken a liking to it and feed it from time to time. this has led to tensed confrontation among the tenants.

'but why did they suspect him?'

"they could smell the meat la!"

'ah, so there's another cat meat expert on the grounds? wait o, are they mad because he beat them to it?'

"ei now that you mention it…"

she goes on to tell you how during the confrontation and denial they saw scratch marks on the suspected tenant's face but he claimed they're new tribal marks he got.

"tribal marks at 34, can you imagine?"

'he's 34??'

so here you are in sabina's room on a friday peeping through her window to witness the drama unfold before your very eyes. the landlord has arrived to prevent further escalation of the matter, the tenants have been assembled. twice you wobble and almost fall off the stool you’re precariously perched on; for some reason the wind carries the sound of the dialogue more clearly to your ears when you’re above the ground.

all this mousing around cat business just because you struggle to do division of labour - how to find a favorite eater and hot gossip in the same person.